“Mother Guilt: Home Sick or Homesick?”

So often, as a mother, you walk a fine line between either coddling your children too much or not enough. It’s hard to know when a hug & kiss or a stern but loving response is best. I’ve been challenged with this line many times since Sophia started kindergarten.

Take last night, for instance. Yesterday evening was Open House at the Primary School. We (Chris and I) looked forward to Sophia being able to “show off” her classroom, her teacher and of course, her hard work. We realize that it is probably daunting for her to have an older sibling like Alexa, who excels in school and in social situations. Alexa generally chooses the right and makes good decisions. We don’t ever want Sophia to feel that there is a competition between them, or worse yet, decide to take the opposite path in school and in life. Thus, we make extra effort to focus on Sophia’s successes and her best efforts.

That being said, I also pride myself on raising my children using firm boundaries. I want them to have and use good manners and to be appropriate at all times. This pride has been challenged recently, most often when it’s most important to me for them to behave “perfectly”. (Occasions such as family weddings, baptisms, etc. are prime examples.) So, when Sophia or Alexa misbehave, I am torn between ignoring the bad behavior and focusing on the good or punishing the bad immediately. This brings us back to Open House.

Almost as soon as we walked into the classroom, Sophia morphed from helpful, smart and sweet five year-old into the female version of her kindergarten-nemesis, Malachai. She ran around the room, pulling toys out and leaving them on the floor, tickling her classmates inappropriately, poking noses and being an all around pain! I was mortified. When I chastised her quietly, she burst into sobs and wailed that she wanted to go home, "now!" Later, as we ate outside on the playground, she ran around without her shoes, dripped her icee juice all over and wouldn’t listen as we calmly asked her to “settle down”. We left the school with Sophia screaming loudly, tears streaming down her face because we wouldn’t take her to the swings. Parents gave us the knowing glances that I sometimes give when I see “out-of-control-kids”; it was embarrassing to be on the receiving end.

I wondered if we were being too hard on her; or not hard enough. I honestly thought a swat to her behind was in order, but didn’t choose to do it. The long school day was definitely a factor in her acting out; as a cranky kindergartner, maybe she just needed some tender loving care to snap out of it. When we arrived home I quickly changed clothes and headed to a fitness class. I came back after she was already asleep and felt remorse that I hadn’t left her with a kind word or a hug.

Which bring us to this morning. At about 5:45 am, I was awakened by Sophia, peering at me from the side of my bed. “Mama, I threw up.” I groggily reached for my cell phone and noted the time. I asked what happened. She said that she had felt sick and vomited in the toilet. I have to admit that I was very doubtful. On the heels of last night’s shenanigans, I wondered if she wasn’t faking in order to get some attention and make-up cuddling with mommy. Was she going to be staying home, sick or was she just “homesick”? The transition to all-day kindergarten has really made her miss me, she tells me that every day. I could understand her looking for a little love! I dutifully felt her head, which was warm. “Let me call daddy” I said.

I had a short discussion with Chris where he informed me that when he was leaving for work, she claimed to have thrown up then, too. He determined that she had choked on a drink of water and had spit the water out on her blanket. We agreed that she was most likely just acting sick. The problem is, I couldn’t send her to school even if she WAS faking. Sophia is the child who would tell every adult she came across, “I threw up two times this morning!” and they would be led to believe that I sent my sick baby to school and was the most neglectful mom EVER! No, I reasoned, it was better to keep her home to be on the safe side. And if she was faking, she was going to be taught a lesson.

First, I called and cancelled her scheduled after-school play date. I made the call within her earshot. Then I cancelled our fun dinner plans with some good friends. Next, I called the school. When she asked for breakfast, I didn’t play it as carefully as I would have had I really thought she was ill. Instead of dry toast, I gave her garlicky spinach scrambled eggs and buttery toast. Then, as my coup de grace, when she strolled through my room to the master bath, I stopped her. “You can’t be in my room, the baby is in here! You could make him sick, too.” “But I feel like I’m gonna throw up!” she said, with a grimace. I suggested that she go throw up in her bathroom and I warned her not to flush the toilet if she did, as I would want to examine it.

*This is where I should stop and warn the queasy reader that this story does not have a happy ending. And I should note that I am one of the queasiest. I can barely type this without gagging.*

A few minutes later she appeared in my doorway. “Mom, I threw up. I didn’t flush the toilet, but I got some on the rug. Sorry!” It was said in such an upbeat, lighthearted way that I imagined she was pulling my leg. In an exaggerated manner, I quickly ran into the hall. And ran head-on into a wall of the unmistakable scent of emesis. Poor Sophia had regurgitated garlicky spinach scrambled eggs…all the way down the hall, all over the carpet. The emesis explosion continued into the girls’ bathroom, on the floor, on any dirty clothes left on the floor, on the tub, around and on the toilet, with a tiny bit actually in the bowl.

That’s when my mommy guilt hit me in the face, hard. My poor little angel WASN’T faking. And I had not been very tender OR loving! AND my care consisted of feeding her something which very well exacerbated her already ailing tummy. Needless to say, the rest of my morning has been spent paying my penance by cleaning, cleaning again and being the cheerful servant to a remarkably upbeat Sophia.

The Kindergarten Chronicles Part II

Today Chris went to school to have lunch with Sophia, then help in her computer class. For those of you who were never a kindergartner, or don't have children of your own; a parent-helper is BIG STUFF for the elementary school crowd. Kids gather around the parents, asking various questions, sharing family secrets, and the visitor is treated pretty much like a celebrity.

Chris tries to eat lunch with each of our kids at least a couple times each school year. He is always amused by the attention-seeking & posturing by their classmates (mostly the boys) and by the adorable things kids say.

So, he wasn't surprised when, as he and Sophia lined up to go to lunch, a little boy tugged on his shirt. "Are you Sophia's daddy?" the child queried. Chris, being a modern day Sherlock Holmes, deduced quickly that this was the infamous Malachai. "Yep, I'm her dad" he answered. Malachai sized him up, then asked, "Can I feel your muscles?"

Chris, thrown off guard, moved his shirt sleeve up a bit and flexed his arm. Malachai tentatively touched the bicep with the tip of his pointy finger. "Wow, you look awesome!" he said with big eyes, and walked away.

Somehow I don't think we need to worry about Chris receiving an invitation for a Daddy Fight any time soon!

The Kindergarten Chronicles

Kindergarten has been full of surprises (both good and bad) and lots of new experiences for Sophia. Our inquisitive, confident and active five-year old is exploring a whole new world!

Due to leaving out of town on the second day of school this year (we traveled back to the Midwest for Ryan's wedding to Abby and to baptize Jack Thomas), Sophia missed five days of school. Playing catch-up not only while learning classroom rules and norms; but even as far as going to sleep & getting up in the morning, has been a challenge. (Especially for mama!) Her school day begins at 7:30 a.m. and ends at 2:05 p.m. As a result, she comes home very tired and in the mornings has complained that "school is just too long!"

The other morning, after singing that particular tune, she began to argue her point. "Mom, Miss Sarah's preschool wasn't this long. I don't want to go to kindergarten anymore." True, this past year her preschool schedule was Monday, Wednesday, Friday from 11:30-2 p.m. "Sophia, " I reasoned, "preschool is a practice for real school. Kindergarten is practice for first grade, first grade is practice for second grade and so on." She considered this for a moment, then asked, "Why can't you just home-school me?"

Why indeed. I pondered this for about 2.5 seconds before I replied, "Because mommy is very attached to her sanity." She scrunched up her face in that look and said, "I don't know about your sanity, but that dang school is too long!"

Our Kindergarten Friends
Yesterday, as I walked towards her in Parent Pick-up, I could see that she was upset. The Parent Pick-up is where the children who don't ride the bus are corralled until their moms or dads arrive. The gym is sectioned off with orange cones and by class; guarded by aides who can't let you retrieve your child unless you provide a photo id.

From across the room I could see that she looked unhappy, her usual sunshiney visage was replaced with a very glum look. When our eyes met, she immediately jumped up & burst into sobs. I kneeled down and asked what was wrong. She tried to tell me through her tears, but all I could understand is that a little boy (sitting in time-out next to the aide) was the cause of my little angel's distress. While I tried to calm her down, another little boy approached, sadness and concern etched on his face. With wide blue eyes, he asked, "Sophia, what's wrong? Why are you sad?" It turns out that this caring little guy is *Tim, a boy from another kindergarten class, who introduced himself & befriended Sophia on the very first day.

According to Sophia, the cause of her tears was *Malachai. Apparently they had words and he told her that he was going to have his daddy come beat up her daddy. As those words escaped her lips, she erupted into a whole new cacophony of sobs. I tried gamely to not snicker at the age-old playground taunt...as a grade-schooler I myself partook of the very same taunt. (Rather, I engaged in a tête-à-tête with a classmate, each of us bragging how much beer our dads could drink. I won when I claimed that MY dad could drink a whole six-pack without getting drunk. I know. Priceless.) OK, back to the matter at hand.

After I asserted to Sophia that her daddy was NOT going to get beat up, in fact there would be NO daddy fights, she calmed down a bit. "Those words STILL hurt my feelings" she sniffed. I explained that sometimes kids say silly things that they a) don't mean and b) don't understand.

She expressed some fears for her daddy's safety and then said, "I want him to know!" with a gush of new tears. We called daddy at work, whose parental wisdom (and sense of humor) never fails to amuse me. His response? "Tell Sophia that if Malachai's daddy tries to beat our daddy up, daddy will smush him like a bug."

I've got a sneaking suspicion that I am going to have a lot of material to add to the "Kindergarten Chronicles"!



*Names have been changed to protect the innocent and/or because I think we'll be hearing about them more throughout the year!

God Bless Baby Jack

Having Jack baptized at Saint Gerald's in Omaha was so important to us. Having Father Gary baptize him was even more meaningful, Fr.Gary has played such an important role in our spiritual life. (He not only blessed our marriage in 2002, he presided over my first communion, baptized Alexa and Sophia, and gave Michael his First Communion.) Jack's baptism was made even more special because Father baptised him with his cousin, Cauner!

The Wedding of Abigail and Ryan Nastase: The Morning After

The morning after the beautiful wedding, Abby's mom graciously hosted a brunch & gift opening at the Dotzenrod's lake cabin. She had prepared trays of delicious baked egg dishes...such an amazing variety, of course, all cooked to perfection. The spread was generous and yummy, such a welcome treat on a Sunday morning. Unfortunately I don't have any pictures of the breakfast, you'll have to take my word that it was scrumptious!

The weather was clear and crisp, after the rainy previous days, it was so nice to sit outside on the beautiful lake and compare notes on the previous wedding festivities. Abby and Ryan were blessed with many wonderful wedding gifts, it was fun to watch them ooh and ahh over their treasures and sentimental cards.

Uncle Dan and a sleepy Jack Thomas

Nieces and nephews romping in Battle Lake

Erin enjoying a refreshing mimosa

Collin had fun being pulled around the property in this cool wagon...and it's great peace of mind for his mom and dad to have him under their watchful eye!

It was time to get dressed after playing in the lake and Collin was feeling two. (It had been a full week of tons of fun activities and probably nap time as well!)

The picturesque Dotzenrod Cabin

Back in Omaha on Monday, while I was at the reception site preparing for Jack's baptism, Erin, Matt and Collin came to hang out in the pool with Dad and the girls. Jack looks so at home in his big sister's arms!


My niece, Natalie and nephew, Nathan, joined the kids and Uncle Chris in the pool. It was such a great time and the kids all enjoyed playing with their cousins.

Alexa and her beloved godson, Collin.